Dear Abby: Wife’s boyfriend worried about her previous relationship


DEAR ABBY: My sister “Darby” and I are in our twenties and confused about the relationship she is in. She is 23 and is dating a 22-year-old man. They fight a lot because he keeps talking about his ex-boyfriend. He says he visualizes her having sex with him and that he is frustrated that he cannot get the images out of his head. Is there a name for this particular problem and how can Darby fix it? – SUPPORT SIS IN THE WEST

DEAR SIS: Yes, in fact, there are two names for this “condition”. These are obsession and jealousy, and both are signs of potential control issues. Stay close to your sister and be there for her, for this young man’s behavior is a wake-up call.

Darby and her boyfriend are both adults. I guess neither of the two came to the relationship wrapped in cellophane. Its fixation does not have to be his (or yours) to repair. Because he can’t get the images out of his head, he should schedule a few sessions with a licensed psychotherapist as his problem will continue for longer than he is in the dating world.

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DEAR ABBY: I moved in with my boyfriend six years ago. A year ago, her adult daughter decided that she would have all of her internet purchases sent to her home. Abby, these packages come in every day, all week. I am tired of it. I think she’s a fanatic.

I told him at the start of our relationship that I would never get between him and his daughter. But it has become a bit too much. She calls him for every little thing. Now she has started asking him to help her with her granddaughter’s homework. I have two grown children and grandchildren. Am I being overdone? I am ready to move. – ABOVE AND OUTSIDE

Expensive on top: Before you move out, discuss it with your six-year-old boyfriend. Her daughter appears to be unusually dependent on an adult. Is there a reason she does these things? Could she be afraid that the packages she ordered would be stolen from her porch? Does her daughter need more academic help than she can provide? The answers to these questions could be enlightening. Once you get these answers, you’ll have time to make a rational (rather than emotional) decision about the status of your relationship with her father.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a 52 year old single, straight man. For some reason only men seem to be drawn to me. If I sit at a table in a restaurant or bar, a man will come and sit next to me. If I go to the park, a man will sit next to me on the bench. While walking in the street, random men approach me. It is terrible. I’m straight! Please help! – PROBLEM UNIQUE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SINGLE PROBLEM: Because you don’t meet women, try to put yourself in situations where you will meet them. Because you are constantly approached by men and you are not interested, consider asking them if they have a single relative. And when you meet a woman that you think you can click, talk to, and introduce yourself to.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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